Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
