But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
