party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
