Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
