and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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