I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
you will always have a special place in my vag
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
