Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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