saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
