I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
