i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize