I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
