I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
