Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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