Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
