SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
