New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
