okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
