i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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