if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
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