my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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