I think I just saw someone hide a body.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
