She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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