Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
