ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
