I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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