college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
