I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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