That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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