I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
