My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
