im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
