i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
