I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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