I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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