Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
