He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
