just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
