I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Found the puke drawer
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
