i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
