2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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