she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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