Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
