looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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