Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
