I'm sorry my penis didn't work
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
