i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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