we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
