the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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