oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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