Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
