Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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