I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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