OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize