my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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