The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
