maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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