You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
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