hell yes lets make some ravioli
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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