Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
