i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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