Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
