I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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