I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
