No, you can still breathe under the balls.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
