P.S. I can't hear my feet
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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