he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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