Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I love you. Go after that dick
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize