Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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