Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
