mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
