with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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