OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize