so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
