Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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