sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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