i was born a porn star she said
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
