this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
