She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
