True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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