Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
